Hey you! Looky here it’s the first issue of JimmerUK’s amazing Internet Roundup. A new weekly summary of what everybody’s favourite Jim has been wasting his time on instead of working. Now you can waste your time too.
This week: Bollock protection, underhand government voting, fake religions, fighting dwarves, naked Welshman, laughing babies and more.
The patented NuttyBuddy athletic cup is the most innovative product in its category. The award-winning, patented design is anatomically shaped to the male body; providing never-before-seen levels of comfort and protection. Designed to withstand the impact of a baseball traveling at more than 100 mph. Need we say more? Be sure to watch the video.
Recently the Government has come under attack for a lot of things, dissent amongst the populous is high and support for the war on terror is very low. A group of people calling themselves the SpaceHijackers have gone around London and initiated a survey using special voting machines. Very clever.
This one’s been hanging around on the net for ages, but I was reintroduced to it this week and thought it worth mentioning. As a protest against the decision to teach Intelligent Design alongside the theory of Evolution in American schools, this guy has formed his own religion worshiping a flying spaghetti monster.
Most people know that Chuck Norris can speak braille, and his tears cure cancer, but did you know that Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light? Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. Or that Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. Get more amazing facts about Chuck Norris at this cunningly named website.
So says the front page of Rentapal.com where you can get advice, a shoulder to cry on, or help with your love life. If it’s a serious enough problem you can even get rentapal to come out and visit you, just like a real pal. Even if you reckon you have enough friends, have a look at what other people are asking. Jim’s favourite: “im a 31 year old man, my wife wont let me see her naked, it either has to be pitch black or under covers. She cant be shy because she works in a strip club. is it me?” Yes, yes it is.
What could be funnier than an 8 year old Irish girl ringing a demolition company and asking them to knock down her school with all her teachers inside? Have a listen to this and find out. For an 8 year old girl she’s certainly very quick with her tongue… I mean she’s got a fast mouth… I mean oh sod it.
“Get It On, Help Create – Earth Ball Homes. 4 All Earth Citizens – All Over OUR Earth. Yes – Yes – Yes… There’s A Solution.” Proudly boasts this website, but quite what they’re going on about I have no idea. Whatever it is, it must be controversial as they have a section entitled “In Case We Disappear”. Oh, and the site has a lot of colours just in case you miss anything.
Now I don’t know about you guys, but if you’re anything like me you’ve always wondered what it would be like to watch two midgets fighting over a woman. Thanks to the wonder that is the Jerry Springer Show my dream and yours has come true.
If I was a Welsh guy walking through the streets with only a tight pair of briefs ad a spade, I’d be annoyed too. Where did my clothes go? Why the spade? Have these pants been washed in Ariel Ultra, they’re super smooth against my creamy white buttocks. I’d get so angry I’d probably start smashing windows. The guy in the video is not me, but it might as well be.
Everyone must know the LineRider game by now, if not click here. This video is possibly the most intricate run I’ve seen and must have taken hours. Hats off to the creator. Maybe now he’s finished it he should contact rentapal.
Hahahahahahaha *breathes* hahahahahahahaha.
I dare you not to laugh along with this video of a laughing baby.
Burglars aren’t generally considered clever in the first place, but not only does this guy try and take what isn’t his, he also takes the biscuit. Pissed as a fart he tries to rob an off-licence by going through the roof with hilarious consequences. Afterwards, watch the remix. Anything can be made at least ten times funnier with a bit of Yakety Sax.
Can’t play the drums or piano? Video yourself hitting all the drums, and playing all the notes, then edit them together to make a great tune. That’s what this guy does and he does it very well.
Guide your missle through the spinning tunnel avoiding the obstacles as you go. Simple enough, but trying it on a Macbook’s trackpad is bloody difficult. I suggest a mouse.
This game is incredibly addictive. Throw knives at the targets surrounding your chosen celebrity avoiding their limbs. Both the missus and I have been on this for hours trying to outdo eachother. I sneakily forgot to tell her that your score doubles if you hit the numbered targets in order. Ha!
So that’s it for the first issue of JimmerUK’s Internet Roundup. Expect more next week.
I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with. – Dennis Leary
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.’ – Tommy Cooper
If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat? – John Cleese