All the nonsense from years ago, faithfully reproduced and preserved for posterity. Click here for my latest stuff

Archive

Number Twenty – I hate old people

There are a lot of things that get my goat, apart, of course from the obvious goat herder, one of them being people. Not just any people, more specifically old people. They walk along the street, slowing everyone down, especially me, when I need to be somewhere… then for absolutely no reason whatsoever they stop, then turn around! It’s very difficult to stop yourself from bumping into these stupid old people, it’s even more difficult to stop yourself from grabbing them by the shoulders and hurling them under a bus. Old people should have permits that only let them go out once a week. Mondays. I don’t generally go out on Mondays.

This week: Crazy classifieds, cage fighting trannies, fly art, car wanking, tesla coil star wars, avalanches and more.

Read More »

Number Nineteen – Be proud

There are some things a guy is always proud of. Unfortunately most of these involve huge bodily functions and are repulsive to women. Like a massive burp, a massive fart, or a massive turd. I did a great turd the other day, it was so long that it touched the bottom of the toilet before it had finished. It did a little bit of a coil, and looked like a big brown snake. The missus was not as impressed, and refused to come and have a look. Next time she does something impressive, like cook my dinner without burning it, wash my clothers without dyeing them a different colour or shrinking them, or managing to parallel park, I’m not going to give a shit. Well, I might, but it probably won’t look like a snake again. That’s a lost moment in time.

This week: Bad first dates, shark pictures, naked chicks, talented Hooters girls, Sesame Street, impressive tricks and more.

Read More »

Number Eighteen – Rubbish

Last week we brought you a load of shit, specifically for sending through the post, this week we have a load of rubbish, rubbish that rich people buy as art. I live in London, so get to go to the galleries regularly. Some of the ‘real’ art I see actually is rubbish, so it’s a bit of a conundrum. I reckon I could do better than some of the pretentious wankers that pretend a random bunch of coloured scrawlings represents the emotional state of the human psyche whilst having a bath or something.

This week: Toy sculptors, people of Walmart, load of rubbish, boobs, paintball pop art, naked girls and more.

Read More »

Number Seventeen – A load of old shit

Sometimes I really am tempted to send shit to people, but through the post is never my preferred choice. I like to collect up some of the foulest smelling crap from the street, put it in a brown paper bag, and leave it on someone’s doorstep. I set the top of the bag on fire and ring the doorbell. The victim comes to the door, sees the bag, and the natural reaction is to stamp it out… getting smelly shit on their shoes. Plus you get to watch the whole thing from afar. Sweet.

This week: Shit in the post, bad dates, mole reading, 100 greatest youtube hits, talented vaginas and more.

Read More »

Number Sixteen – Behind the Times

Did you know I can go back in time? Well it’s true. I can do stuff back in the past and no one will ever notice. You’re reading this now, but I did it then, but not when you thought I did. Magic. Anyway, don’t read this shit, click the link and look at all the wonderful stuff I’ve found especially for you.

This week: Ikea drama antics, woman with moustaches, Ferris Bueller, exploding couches, flying men, robot hands and more.

Read More »

Number Fifteen – Three in a row

Wow! Three in a row, and this one is actually being published on a Friday, as opposed to being published on a Sunday or Monday and backdated. I’m really getting into the swing of things again, and I hope you appreciate it. You can show your appreciation by giving me money, or at the very least clicking on some adverts or something. Go on, you know you want to.

This week: Be a doll, funny signs, Dec’s anal antics, triple-x-factor, egg in an egg, how they make bacon, best beer advert, and more.

Read More »