All the nonsense from years ago, faithfully reproduced and preserved for posterity. Click here for my latest stuff



What I got for Christmas

What I got for Christmas

With the first working week of 2006 safely out of the way (only another 51 to go), you’d be forgiven for thinking that Christmas is well and truly forgotten…you’d be wrong. To let you all experience a final moment of Christmas here is a list of all the brilliant presents that I got (in no particular order). What fun!

What I got for Christmas

Chemistry Set

Throwing around some ideas of features for, the words ‘explosion’, ‘burn’, ‘pain’, ‘dangerous’ and ‘science’ were mentioned on numerous occasions. It should have come as no surprise then that I received a Chemistry Set. Obviously someone thought that I should really do these things whilst following a set of instructions, or if something went wrong, I’d have someone to sue. My first experiment? Distilling vodka to see what happens, with some success. Really took me back to my childhood. Buy this at

What I got for Christmas

Shock GunsShock Guns

What’s better than running around your house shooting your mate with a laser gun a la Quasar, and everytime you score a hit they get electrocuted? Nothing!

These things are the best. You get two guns and two breastplates. Strap them on and get shooting. There are two settings: High and Low. Raf (’s resident Science Gimp) had his set to Low, when he got shot he only received a mild electric shock, but when he scored a direct hit my life only went down by one. Everyone’s favourite Jim (me!) on the other hand was running around set at high. With high I received a much greater shock, but when I scored a hit two lives were lost. Needless to say there was a lot of running around, a lot of hiding, a lot of bouncing shots off mirrors, and a lot of girlish screaming (from Raf, honest). Buy this at

What I got for Christmas

The Complete League Of Gentlemen

I have a weird, sick, sense of humour, so when League of Gentlemen first came to our television screens I was amazed how, like me, these people had evaded capture and rehousing in a mental institution. After a while, I realised that this programme wasn’t a documentary at all and was merely a crayzee sitcom set in the fictional town of Royston Vasey (Roy Chubby Brown’s real name fact fans) and something I find hilarious.

So it was with glee that I tore the wrapping paper from this cardboard box of madness, and put the flat silver doughnuts in my DVD player. Buy this at

What I got for Christmas

Build a Hovercraft

Anything that can hover a few millimetres above the ground and zips uncontrollably around whilst making scary moaning noises must be unholy and destroyed by drowning! But what if it zips around on water as well, making louder, gurglier noises?! Then you have yourself a hovercraft there my friend. Normally a hovercraft is not the kind of thing you see every day, let along own one, but with this kit, you can build one yourself!

Admittedly I’m not talking about a full-on passenger hovercraft, but a toy thing that you can kick around and destroy once bored. This took me a full hour to build, and a mere 10 minutes to get bored of (until I find a way to make it go faster and maybe set it on fire), but it was a huge amount of fun whilst it lasted. Building this thing from scratch helps you understand the science behind hovercraft, and potentially is a template for building a much, much bigger one. Buy this at

What I got for Christmas

Ultimate Spiderman

Love swinging high above the streets of Manhattan, looking for crimes to prevent, and villains to defeat? So do I, but it sure makes the arms ache. That’s why after spending a long day in spandex climbing buildings, and making witty comments I like to sit at home in my favourite recliner and play Ultimate Spiderman on my PlayStation. I really do love Spiderman, and have all the games so far. This one is almost identical in gameplay to Spiderman 2, but is set in the ‘Ultimate’ universe where storylines are a little different to the traditional Spiderman. The game’s Cell-Shading makes it look stunning, and with the ability to play as Venom as the story progresses you’ll be hard pressed to find a better super-hero game. Buy this at

What I got for Christmas

Binary Watch

“What’s the time Mr Wolf?” “Buggered if I know!” would be the surprising reply had the legendary playground eater of children been wearing one of these. If you wanted to look like someone who has travelled back in time from 2183, then get one of these as they look super cool. If you want to be able to tell the time…think again.

As you may have gathered, these watches aren’t normal. Instead of two hands, you have two lines of LEDs. The top row represent hours and are numbered 1,2,4,8. The second row represents minutes and are numbered 1,2,4,8,16,32. To tell them time you simply add up the top row, then the bottom row and voila. Problem is you have to stare at the bloody thing for ages, once you work the time out a couple of minutes have gone by and you have to start again. I like the idea of this watch, but after being late for three meetings this week I decided to switch back to my normal analogue. Buy this at

What I got for Christmas

The Broker

I do love a bit of John Grisham, and have read all of his books. I’m halfway though this one at the moment, and it’s a good, easy read. Not his usual stuff, I don’t think this will be made into a big block-busting film, but good nonetheless.

Most books are made from paper, and The Broker is no different. Coming complete with a lot of words, this is one present I was very happy with.

Buy this at

What I got for Christmas

Simpson’s Dohnut Maker

D’oh!…Nuts!…Hmmm, doughnuts.

Homer Simpson is my role-model. There’s no denying it. I eat too much, I drink too much, I lie on the sofa watching television, and I’m yellow (actually I’m not. I once tried deliberately becoming jaundice, but became more green/orange). Most of all, just like my hero, I love doughnuts. So when I got this I cried with joy. Once I got over the fact that I would have to make my own food, I started making doughnuts.

They’re yummy, and now I can have them any time of day or night. Buy this at

What I got for Christmas

Star Wars Trivial Pursuit Bitesize

Nobody knows more about Star Wars than me, except perhaps George Lucas but he died tragically last week (don’t worry, I have a cast iron alibi). Anything that lets me show off my amazing intellect and embarrass any mere mortal that chooses to go up against me is brilliant. These two facts melded together in a lead-lined vat one mile underground in a secret nuclear bunker means that this present was the best thing ever. I promptly defeated everyone in the room (except Lucas, but he was a corpse).

Basically, this is a pack of trivial pursuit questions based on the Star Wars movies. You roll a dice to decide category and keep the card if you get the question right. First one to have six cards wins. Buy this at

What I got for Christmas

Star Wars Top Trumps

Continuing the Star Wars theme, these Top Trumps take me right back to my school days. They say that your school days were the best days of your life, and Top Trumps certainly helped them achieve this status. I always lost so resorted to punching my opponents on the nose and stealing my cards back. Needless to say things haven’t changed, and Raf has left my house on numerous occasions with blood dripping down his face. Ha! Winner! Buy this at

What I got for Christmas

The Movies

Do not get this game! This game is addictive! I played it for 34 hours over three days! This game is like the sims, but you control a movie studio. You start off in the 1930s with a little bit of cash and a plot of land. The goal is to become the biggest and best movie studio.

You build sets, post-production, scripts, and much much more. You hire and fire stars, and best of all…make your own movies! You can view one of my first here. You can either get someone to write the script for you or you can write it yourself. Once you’ve completed the game, it gets more addictive when you go into the Sandbox and purely make movies without the worry of winning awards, keeping your stars happy, or picking up litter.

Made by Lionhead, they’ve used the Black & White interface of picking people up and chucking them around, very good. Buy this at

Now that’s not all I got, these are merely a selection of goodies. If you like the look of some of these, then buy them…I get some money if you do.

Notify of
Tony G
Tony G

Oi Yea, Dasa Coo Chrisdmaz apresen

You’re a good writer J, the reader’s just there reading through the list and thinking yeah .. cool… but why would this guy share this info and then POW! it hits you! The ulterior motive.