There are a lot of things that get my goat, apart, of course from the obvious goat herder, one of them being people. Not just any people, more specifically old people. They walk along the street, slowing everyone down, especially me, when I need to be somewhere… then for absolutely no reason whatsoever they stop, then turn around! It’s very difficult to stop yourself from bumping into these stupid old people, it’s even more difficult to stop yourself from grabbing them by the shoulders and hurling them under a bus. Old people should have permits that only let them go out once a week. Mondays. I don’t generally go out on Mondays.

This week: Crazy classifieds, cage fighting trannies, fly art, car wanking, tesla coil star wars, avalanches and more.

There are some things a guy is always proud of. Unfortunately most of these involve huge bodily functions and are repulsive to women. Like a massive burp, a massive fart, or a massive turd. I did a great turd the other day, it was so long that it touched the bottom of the toilet before it had finished. It did a little bit of a coil, and looked like a big brown snake. The missus was not as impressed, and refused to come and have a look. Next time she does something impressive, like cook my dinner without burning it, wash my clothers without dyeing them a different colour or shrinking them, or managing to parallel park, I’m not going to give a shit. Well, I might, but it probably won’t look like a snake again. That’s a lost moment in time.

This week: Bad first dates, shark pictures, naked chicks, talented Hooters girls, Sesame Street, impressive tricks and more.

Last week we brought you a load of shit, specifically for sending through the post, this week we have a load of rubbish, rubbish that rich people buy as art. I live in London, so get to go to the galleries regularly. Some of the ‘real’ art I see actually is rubbish, so it’s a bit of a conundrum. I reckon I could do better than some of the pretentious wankers that pretend a random bunch of coloured scrawlings represents the emotional state of the human psyche whilst having a bath or something.

This week: Toy sculptors, people of Walmart, load of rubbish, boobs, paintball pop art, naked girls and more.