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Number Two – Sounds like shit, but less smelly

Issue number two of the Internet Roundup is upon us, which leaves me to think what I could have achieved had I not been monkeying around on the computer. Learnt to play the oboe, painted a picture of a crying child, or helped homeless people on the street, maybe. Bollocks to that because…

This week: Slogan Generator, Eat your dead, make a book, musical tables, freaks, crap sex, penguins, and more.

Sites

Slogan Generator

If you’re ever stuck for a good slogan for a product you might happen to be marketing or even one for yourself to print out and stick on your computer at work, this is the thing for you. Jim’s favourite: “Whatever you’re into, get into JimmerUK”. 


Detention

Did you ever get an unjustified detention at school? I know I did, but I never had my teacher write a letter admitting I was right, yet still giving me the detention. This guy did. 


The New Age Cremation Alternative

If a loved one has recently died, but you’re bored with the whole idea of burying them or having their cremated ashes in an urn on your mantelpeice, then you might want to take a look at this. With Modern Man Eater you can have their decayed body processed and turned into something to sprinkle on your dinner. Erm… whatnow?!


Be an Author

Becoming a published author is a hard business, the rejection can be soul-destroying, nobody really takes you seriously, and the pay’s not that great unless you write a best seller. Bollocks to all that, do it yourself using Blurb. You set your book, design it, upload it, then up to 10 days later it arrives through your door… a real book!


Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.

Immediately the above sentence may not make any sense, but it is in fact perfectly grammatically correct. The explanation of how it works is even more baffling, but does kind of make sense.


The Real PS3 Grill

When the first pictures of the PS3 were released it was criticised for looking just looking like a George Foreman grill. So what do some crayzee kids do when it eventually comes out? They turn it into a grill. 


Worst Website of the Week

This person has made a scale model of San-Francisco from jelly. It’s been said that an infinite amount of monkeys with an infinite amount of typewriters could write the complete works of Shakespere. It’s because of sites like this that I strongly believe that the internet is this theory made reality by some covert government department. 

Videos

When Bollards Attack

Some people just don’t understand signs, especially signs that say No Entry except to buses, (and maybe postmen), so hopefully that explains why they look so surprised when the retractable bollards stop their vehicles with hilarious consequences. 


Reactable

The developers of the reactable say it’s “a state-of-the-art multi-user electro-acoustic music instrument with a tabletop tangible user interface.” Well that sounds great, but basically it’s a synthesizer from the future and in short is amazing. 


Scary Mary

What’s possibly one of the nicest family films out there? Mary Poppins ranks right up there. What if the movie was edited to make it quite possibly one of the most horrifying things ever? This is what it would be like. 


Double Jointed Freak

Gah! This kid is freaky. He can bend what seems like every part of his body in weird and crayzee ways. I don’t suppose the mask makes it much better. Don’t watch this if you’ve just eaten, you’ll be ill.


Crap Pole Dancer

There’s been an influx of pole dancing classes everywhere lately, perhaps aspiring dancers should take a look at this and realise they should leave it to the professionals.


Anti Kamasutra

Who says French people make the best lovers? Judging by this video, it’s codswallop, well, at least they look like they’re having a lot of fun.

Games

Turbo Charged Penguins

Click on the penguins and see how high you can get them. A simple premise, yet very addictive and frustrating. 


How’s My Parking?

Using this sophisticated driving simulator you can answer the age old question: who’s better at parking, men or women?


Distraction

Now as the above game isn’t strictly a game, here’s another. Fly the crayzee looking fat bird thing and collect the fruit using the cursor keys, whilst watching out for the rockets. Just don’t get distracted! You’ll see what I mean. 



Well bugger me if I didn’t manage to make a second issue. Normally these bright ideas only last for a week and then I totally forget abou… whatnow? Erm… let’s see if this lasts into a third week. 

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally – W.C. Fields

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT’S relativity. – Albert Einstein

Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he THINK he was doing at the time? – Billy Connolly

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